Maintaining Marriage through a Correct Life Focus
by Linnette R. Mullin
"'Marriage is an adventure, like going to war,' says G.K. Chesterton. Is this how you feel - that marriage is a series of battles, one after another? I believe all couples dealing with chronic illness struggle daily just to survive and wonder if life will ever get better. Others don't fare quite as well and their marriage comes to a tragic end. Despite the constant upheaval we Lymies and our spouses face, I believe our marriages can do much more than simply survive. I believe they can thrive." (PHA October, by
LRM)
I last shared in an overview some vital things for rescuing and strengthening your marriage. Let's begin to delve into the first main point, "Between you and God."
1. Correct life focus - an intimate relationship with Christ is vital. Without it, there is no guarantee of success.
The first step to building a strong marriage is not spouse-examination, but self-examination. Where am I in my walk with Christ? Is He essential to my life or just someone I use to fall back on when life gets ugly?
As C. S. Lewis said, "I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else." Christ is the focal point of our existence. Our relationship with Him matters not just when we're feeling good and enjoying sweet communion with Him, but also when we lack fervor for Him. It matters when we're sick and hurting, and when He seems far away. Our relationship with Jesus matters when confusion swirls in our heads and we feel off balance. It matters when we think it doesn't matter.
Years ago, I shared favorite scripture passages with my dad. He asked if I had ever read John 15 about the vine and the branches. "It's an interesting chapter. You should take a look at it." I couldn't wait to do just that, and when I did, my life changed forever. I still had the same family, the same problems, and the same life issues, but my entire outlook on my relationship with Christ changed forever.
The transformation was slow. As God called me back to this passage time and time again, I grew closer to Him than the time before. I realized I couldn't live without the truth of these verses. I needed this vital relationship with Jesus. My entire existence hung on His words:
"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in Me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." John 15:4-5
(ESV)
I absorbed these verses, allowing them to become a part of my spiritual DNA. This kind of fellowship anchors me in every storm. When life threatens to capsize me, Jesus holds me fast. When my sails tear and the mast tumbles down around me, He rescues and mends my broken ship. Abiding in Christ does not shield me from life's treacheries; rather He carries me through this storm-tossed life, strengthening me for the journey.
2. Trust God completely - don't put your faith in your faith, but in God Himself. Don't limit God. He's so much bigger than we can ever hope to realize while in this life.
Blessed to be converted at a young age, I sometimes wondered what faith in Christ should look like in my life. It's easy to get caught up in the idea that "faith" is what gets me through when said faith is nothing more than believing in believing. It is not trusting in my belief that saves or keeps me, it is trusting in the One who has the power to save and keep me. Christ is the object of my faith, not my faith itself.
We tend to put God in our own man-made box. We form ideas of what we think God is like and squish Him into that box. Thankfully, He's too big to fit and pops right back out, showing us who He really is. He moves impossible mountains everyday for people everywhere. Unfortunately, limiting Him in our minds often renders us unable to see the wonders He displays before our eyes.
I don't always understand the things I go through in life, but I'm learning to trust that God knows what is best for me. To illustrate this, I'll share song lyrics I wrote during a desperate time in my life:
More Than I Deserve
Sometimes I cannot see Your will, or hear Your voice, say, "Peace, be still."
Oh dear Jesus, please guide me, hold me safely to Your side.
I do not always understand all the things that life demands.
Help me trust You and serve You whatever comes my way.
Oh, if I wrote a thousand songs to worship You and You alone,
I could not begin to come to the end of ways to sing Your praise.
For You alone are worthy, O Lord, forever to be praised and adored.
Help me love You and adore You and bring glory to Your name.
When I cannot see Your will or hear Your voice say, "Peace, be still."
Oh dear Jesus, come and guide me; keep me safely by Your side.
I cannot always understand all the things that life demands.
Help me trust in You and serve You no matter what comes my way.
Chorus:
Oh, how You love me, Lord, so much more than I deserve.
You died for me on a cruel tree; from sin You've set me free.
Oh, how You love me, Lord, so much more than I deserve.
Give me faith to see that You rescue me, that You always meet my needs.
Though verses one and three are similar, nuances expose the journey of mind and heart as I wrote. It also demonstrates my next point.
3. Balance correct Biblical principles with a God-seeking heart.
Correct Bible teaching is vital. However, there must also be a heart for God - even a desperate and distraught heart - that follows through; otherwise, doctrine becomes empty religion. In the song, you see a troubled, confused heart clinging to what it knows to be true even in the midst of struggling to do so. While struggle of the heart and mind is not a pleasant thing, it is not a bad thing. Without it, we grow too comfortable to seek to know our Savior more.
Three key tools to developing an intimate relationship with Christ are prayer, mind renewal, and honest self-talk. I hope to cover these in my next article on "Maintaining Marriage in the Midst of Chronic Illness." Until then, think about the things you've read and wrestle with them. Just don't grow discouraged. All personal spiritual growth takes time, patience, work, and even mistake-making, but it is so worth it all!
Special note:
May God bless you and yours this Christmas with the fullness of His love, the vast sea of His amazing grace, and the wisdom and strength to live fully in Him both now and in the coming year! Lovingly in Christ, Linnette & Family
